Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
