i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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