Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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