you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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