When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
