The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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