I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
