I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
