I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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