Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
