i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize