My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
They have beer where we have blood.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
