okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
