do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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