I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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