U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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