The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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