that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
