He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
