He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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