Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
