just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
