what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
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