I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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