She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
