tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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