We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
