I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
