Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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