you guys were way drunker than both of me
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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