'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
