I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
