you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
