the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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