dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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