the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
whose parrot is this?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
