so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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