Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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