K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
