TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
i black out too much to be "responsible"
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
