making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
