I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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