when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize