Your dad touched me again.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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