did you get engaged???
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Randomize
