I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize