Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
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