he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
