We won't sleep together?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
