Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
