Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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