The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Randomize
