Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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