I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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