I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
