Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
