just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
