The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
