What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Houston, we have a blender
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
