So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
My penis needs a shock collar
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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