When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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