A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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