I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
