dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
