a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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