if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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