My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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