Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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