Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
