I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
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