She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize