i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
